My vocation to Carmel
I had the desire to join Carmel when I was 15 years old. As the word Carmel came surfacing constantly at prayer I wrote to the Prioress in Singapore because at that time the Malaysian Carmel was not founded yet. She thought I was too young and would change my mind later so she threw my letter away. I wrote again after I finished my Form V and was teaching. Contact between me and Carmel started.
When it was time for me to enter my father wanted me to wait for two years till my brother and sister finished their studies. I was eager to join so I did not wait. I thought that if I waited, I would lose my vocation. My uncle too discouraged me asking me to stay and take care of my old grandparents. I did not wait and entered when I was 22 years old.
I chose Carmel for 2 reasons. First, when I was making the Stations of the Cross I realized how much Jesus loved me and that He gave Himself up totally for love of me inspite of all my many, many faults, failures. God, Christ still loved me and gave Himself totally for love of me. Truly, I can say like St. Paul: “Christ loved me and gave Himself up for love of me.” I too wanted to give myself totally for love of Jesus in the enclosed life of Carmel. Second, I had always wanted to be a doctor but I was weak in spellings so I did not choose to go into that profession. I encouraged one of my sisters to become one and she did while I went into teaching. One day at prayer, I realized that in becoming a doctor or a teacher I could serve only a limited number of people whereas through prayer, I could reach out to the whole world. For these two reasons I chose Carmel and daily through prayer and the total gift of self, I feel myself maturing in the reasons that brought me to Carmel.
I am very happy in the choice I made. I do not regret it at all even after 51 years now in Carmel.I am very blessed and happy. Inspite of all the ups and downs, darkness and light I know God’s hand is leading and guiding me all through the years especially in Christ’s total gift of Himself to me in the daily Eucharist which enables me to live day by day with the strength of His love.
I thank God for His constant Faithful love for me. I will continue to serve Him in love till He comes to bring me home to Himself.